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Parents know what is very good at what is next to a child who refuses to listen to: This is nervous.
But after years Learning more than 200 parent-child relationshipsI saw something interesting: parents who rarely deal with disobedience do not give threats, bribes or harsh consequences. They actually use the language that wants to cooperate.
Traditional parenting phrases (“if you stop” or “if you do not do it,”) often activate part of the brain, causing a child’s war-flight response. However, when we change the autonomy of the child while still holding the borders, cooperation is natural.
Based on me researchand from experience Healthy habits With my own child, five toxic phrases that do not want to listen to the children immediately – and what instead should say.
1. Never say: ‘I said so.’
What to say instead: “I know that you do not like this decision. I will explain and then move forward.”
Why works: “Because I said,” it closes communication and obeys blind. But even in a brief way that explains your mind, even in a short way, helps you respect your child.
You do not discuss or negotiate – you model your respected management. These expressions admit their feelings and strengthen you are in a quiet, overhauled manner.
2. Never say: ‘You will lose (x privilege).’
What to say instead: “When you are ready to do (x special behavior), we can (x desirable activity).”
Why works: Threats create disobedience because they force children to defense mode. This expression changes the dynamics of power: it keeps the border firm when you give a body to your child when your child is ready to communicate. You don’t get the limit – you remove the fight.
3. Never say: ‘Stop crying. You are good. ‘
What to say instead: “I see that I see you are really upset. Tell me what happened.”
Why works: Dismissing the emotions of a child teaches their feelings wrong or a lot of work. Emotional insecurity leads to separate and closed children do not cooperate.
When a child hears, they calm down faster and trust you more.
4. Never say: ‘How many times do I have to tell you?’
What to say instead: “I asked this a few times. I help me understand what it did for you.”
Why works: This annoying question assumes that the child is intentional. But the thing that often looks like obedience is in fact the ability to discriminate, separate or decline. Instead of updating guilt, it solves the problem – and it is the root of this issue.
5. Never say, “You know better from it.”
What to say instead: “Something happens in your best way at the moment. Let’s talk about it.”
Why works: “You know better” sheds the child and asks questions to integrity.
However, alternative expressions reflect a mentality turn – from punishment to partnership. He takes the best in your child and encourages self-reflection instead of defense. Sends the message: “I believe you and I’m here to help.”
The real secret of taking kids to listen to
This is not to control your child’s behavior – it is about creating conditions of natural cooperation.
Children are developing when they feel respectful, emotionally safe and participates in the process. These words are not only linguistic tweaks – represent a deeper slipper than how parenting can see itself. Instead of treatment as something to Squash, we start to see it as a signal: a call for contact, clarity or emotional support.
When you respond to management and criticism, it reduces strength struggles and raises us children, and they are making them stronger and grow Emotional scientific adults.
Reem Rauuda is a leading sound of conscious parents and creators Foundations – Transformative healing magazine for parents, to split periods, make the internal work and become an emotional safe parent in need of your child. It is widely known for its groundbreaking work in the emotional security and strengthening the parent-children’s garden. Follow him Instagram.
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