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Even The happiest couples Encounter conflict. But what they fight reveals a lot about those who are missing in the relationship.
Like Psychologist who learns pairsI saw that there were several similar topics that re-emerged. The first step to resolve conflicts is to know what these topics are.
According to a Yougov According to the survey and research of 1000 Americans, the most common reasons here, the battle of the couple – and psychology behind each.
1. The voice or attitude tone
A sour tone or attitude – a slightly raised sound, a sarcastic comment, the average conversation of the eye roll – the most common reasons. The person shown, it cannot seem like a big thing. However, the receiving ending the party strikes a nerve directly to the partner, because it shows disrespect.
In a couple researchDisrespect is one of the most reliable predictors of divorce. Clearly, unlike criticism or stonewalling, disrespect yourself with disrespect, non-verbal gestures and body language.
How to move the past: Resist the impulsion to shoot back. The fight against fire never works, so try to fulfill the effects: “Feel it happened. Can we try again?” This gives your partner a chance to be right, and it does not increase things immediately.
If you are the one that delivers the tone, check with yourself before saying anything more. Do you feel hearing? Nervous? Excessive? To determine the fuel that causes the struggle is the first step to express yourself without hurting his relationship.
2. Family Relationships
Arguments on family relationships often reflect fundamental inconsistencies and ineffective needs.
A partner may feel unsupported or out of bounds, especially the spouse seems to default to defend your family’s parties. In situations that cover children, arguments are generally decreased by clashes – each partner’s main parents were fired as their beliefs.
This is not common in these scenarios or “wrong” or “wrong”. In fact, the same thing is more likely to take into account: one next to them.
How to move the past: A good place to get started is to convince each other. For example: “I love my family, but I still have my partner. Can we find a solution that responds to both of our needs and values?”
Then tell me about your restrictions as a team: When a line goes through, or how to serve in front of others (even if you do not agree).
3. Homework
People often have arguments about the workers themselves, the rest of the arguments – the rest of the dishes, laundry, the laundry, never leaving garbage boxes. But if this was true, these issues will be fixed with a simple work schedule.
On the contrary, the real problem is the uneven distribution of labor. According to researchIn one relationship, a partner is usually the ball of internal work. But they only bend clothes and manage the meetings, but also associate the bills, and everyone keeps the welfare, but the welfare of itself.
This “invisible burden” is extinct and the recognition is generally where the battles begin.
How to move the past: This dynamic can be changed frequently when the load is loud. Even just saying, “thank you, thank you, thank you,” says they need to hear to your partner.
From there, work together to redistribute tasks in a continuous way. Justice will not look like 50/50 split every day, but you should feel like something you both have.
4. Communication styles
This is one of the most difficult arguments to go. In many cases, it argues about couples over time How They talk to each other, the original issue has already been lost in translation.
For example, a partner is worried about an unfair distribution of work or they are angry with how their mother-in-law will treat them. However, when these concerns are nurtured, research Unscrupitted with others – or when engaged in hostility, they can quickly get out of the rails.
If the conversation is met with protection, criticism or stonewalling, the fight will change the attention from the initial issue. Instead, it is a matter of how weak the conversation goes.
How to move the past: The use of a simple strategy successful couples “five second rules“: There are a word or phrases that are noticeable:” We’re spiral, let’s take a time. “This gives a very needless break without the negative effects of the storm.
When I return to the conversation, try to see your complaints before continuing to release: “I want to understand why you are sad and I want you to understand the same thing for me. I will share it for you.”
Branded travorsThe doctoral is a psychologist specializing in relations. Kornell maintains degrees from University and Colorado Boulder University. He is a leading psychologist Awake therapyAn online psychotherapy, consulting and coaching TV team. It is also a curator of popular psychiatric health and health website, Therapitips.org.
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