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When your child is experiencing an emotional event, there are two words that slip easily. Maybe beaten with a friend and knocked down or knocked down. Before we have the sediments and chances of speaking: “You are good.”
Sounds comforting. Consolation, even. But this is not. Like conscious parenting coach A lawyer for the emotional health of children and I read more than 200 children – and I have never seen this well-intentioned and excessive expression that most parents never understand.
In fact, it is the most dangerous expression in parenting because it seems harmless first. Here’s what I say instead:
1. He teaches children to doubt his emotions.
When a child is seen in a visible way and hears a message that says “you’re good” when you hear: What I feel is not real. Over time, this separates them from the internal emotional world and teaches his belief in their instincts.
2. The most needed their experiences when they are most needed.
You can say this with love, but a child hears: “Your feelings do not matter.” Dismiss – But subtle – they are only calm and comfortable when comfort and contact. This is where emotional suppression begins.
3. Short-term emotional processing.
Emotions are meant to go through the body. When this natural process is a precondition with a precondition, we protect the ability to identify, call and adjust their emotions. Instead of building the da, we prevent.
4. It teaches that love is the condition.
Without understanding this, expressions such as “you are good” or “do not” or “fear” or “fear” or “fear” or “fear” or “fear” or “not afraid” are believed to believe that they do not have their feelings. When love feels the condition, emotional safety – a very foundation of mental health – starts opening.
5. Re-restore a child’s stress response.
The nervous system is developing with recycling practices. When a child is upset and supported by supporting, it is not safe to express his body feelings. Over time, it can change its annoying systems to adjust, adjust, adjust and be difficult to be safe.
What to say instead of ‘you are good’
Children do not need a correction – they must feel. And more importantly, they should know that safe To feel, especially with you.
Here are strong alternatives that are validated by the internal world and build emotional power:
- “I believe in you.”
- “Your feelings have meaning.”
- “I’m with you here.”
- “You don’t have to be good right now.”
- “I saw what happened. How do you feel?”
These statements do more than calm down. They strengthen. They teach your child: The importance of my emotions. I can trust myself. I’m not alone.
These answers are practicing. You will still say “you’re good”. And that’s good. The goal is to conscious parent: choosing our patterns and choices, and the moment is to respond to the roads of emotional safety than destroying it.
These moments may seem small, but in fact it helps to build a child’s emotional foundation. In a world where anxiety, depression and intersection are increased, how to protect the mental health of our children – we always protect a moment of emotional security.
Reem Rauuda is a leading sound of conscious parents and creators Foundations – Transformative healing magazine for parents, to split periods, make the internal work and become an emotional safe parent in need of your child. It is widely known for its groundbreaking work in the emotional security and strengthening the parent-children’s garden. Ffollow turn it on Instagram.
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